50 Things That Any FMA Fan Is Not Allowed To Do
by Allow Me To Speak
Summary: The title really says it all. 50 things that no Fullmetal Alchemist fan is not allowed to do. EVER. Hopefully funny, and manga-based. Written for fun, so reviews are loved, but not required. No flames, please.


**50 Things That Any Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Is Not Allowed To Do – **_**Ever.**_

**Inspired by Digi12 and her **_**Fifty Things The Fangirls May No Longer Do**_** story, based on Soul Eater.**

**Disclaimer: You know, I never got the point of these. Honestly – the site is Fan**_**fiction**_**. If I were the author, I would be making this **_**fact**_**. So everybody **_**knows**_** that it's not mine! And in that case, what's the point in saying it?? It's redundant! _**

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1. I am not allowed to steal Riza's guns. To do so would be suicide.

2. I am not allowed to dispose of the Colonel's paperwork and tell Riza that the Colonel himself did it.

3. I am not allowed to call Alphonse a trashcan. It's rude and hurts his feelings.

4. If I am a Christian, I am not allowed to replace the Communion phrase "May the Body and Blood of Our Lord Jesus Christ keep you in everlasting life" with "May the Body and Blood of Alphonse Elric keep you in everlasting life". It's a cruel, tasteless joke, and neither Elric would find that remotely amusing.

5. Just because Winry has blonde hair, blue eyes, never seems to leave her home in the middle of nowhere, and is always waiting for Edward to come back does not make her one of your stereotypical Disney princesses, and I will not bring this topic to light.

6. I will not give Breda a puppy for his birthday.

7. I will not give Havoc a puppy for his birthday.

8. In response to Pride's threat, I will not stick a bunch of glow-in-the-dark eyes all over Riza's apartment and cut the electricity wires.

9. I will not call Pride the Cheshire Cat.

10. Envy may very well be a cross-dressing homosexual, but that doesn't mean I can call him that to his face. Most likely, I would die.

11. Telling Greed that he cannot have automail in order to make him rip off a limb to get it may very well be funny, but I should not do it nevertheless.

12. However, I _can_ tell Ed to do it.

13. But not if it's the Greed in Ling's body.

14. Lanfan would kill me.

15. I am not allowed to give Havoc a "Dating for Dummies" book.

16. Nor am I allowed to give it to Feury, Breda, or Falman.

17. I _am_ allowed to tell Falman to lighten up, but it will not do any good.

18. I am not allowed to use alchemy to modify the inscription on Ed's watch to say "Remember - Wash the dishes".

19. I am not allowed to tell Ed that even though he hates milk, the author is a cow.

20. I cannot pour soda on Ed's arm when he's not paying attention. Winry would kill him and then me. (1)

21. I cannot tell Wrath that the reason he is so angry all the time is because he is having a midlife crisis.

22. Nobody asks Rose how her bangs became pink, so I am not allowed to ask either.

23. It is not adviseable to tell Edward that he is just like his father was when he was his age.

24. I am not allowed to make the slightest references to "short" anywhere near Edward Elric. Or follow that comment with one about Alphonse's height in comparison.

25. I am not allowed, when in a room with Alphonse, to hold my nose and say, "Man, it stinks in here!! How can you stand it, Alphonse??"

26. I cannot give Al a kitten for his birthday, no matter how much he would love it.

27. It is not advisable to give Maes Hughes a portable scrapbooking kit for Christmas.

28. I cannot tell Edward that the world's one and only truth is not Equivalent Exchange, but 42.

29. I will not tell Edward that a man named Nicholas Flamel has the Philosopher's Stone.

30. I will not then tell him that he destroyed it.

31. I will not let him go find Nicholas Flamel.

32. Or read the fanfictions saying that Nicholas is his father.

33. I will not then let him find his father and accuse him of not telling him about the Philosopher's Stone.

34. I will not laugh when Hoenheim misunderstands and tells Ed about _being_ the Philosopher's Stone.

35. I will not ask Ed if he wants to use his father.

36. I will not laugh at Ed's reaction to this question.

37. I will not make gunshot noises while near a sleeping Black Hayate in order to give him nightmares.

38. I will not give Ed a portable periodic table.

39. Or Al.

40. Or Roy.

41. Or Armstrong.

42. I will also not give Armstrong a part-time job as a construction worker.

43. I will not stick a water bucket over the door to Roy's office.

44. I will not change Roy's official name to "The Useless Alchemist".

45. I will not give Kimblee a hot dog with a string stuck in it and tell him it's dynamite.

46. I will not introduce Al to Wonderpets.

47. I will not tell Scar that National Geographic wants to interview him for their article for the "Ishbalans – The Almost Extinct Species. Top Interview With One of the Remaining Few Inside!".

48. I will not steal all of Ed's hairbands and make him go around with his hair down like a girl.

49. I will not then laugh when some people mistake him for one.

50. I will not show this list to the fans of Fullmetal Alchemist, thereby making them attempt these listed things that Fullmetal Alchemist fans are not allowed to do. _Ever_. (Too late.)

**(1) Apparently, Coca-Cola can eat through a nail (which, as we know, is **_**metal**_**), in 5 days. So if I poured it on Ed's arm, it would rot away. Hence the "Winry would kill him and then me" part. It would not totally work, but the concept is there, nonetheless.**

**Well, this was just for fun. I did it on a whim, and it was a blast. Reviews are nice and they are loved, but not necessary here. Nevertheless, I love them. Have a wonderful day! =) I love you all! I mean, you actually read until the end! (^_^) *hugs***

**Byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyez!!!!! ^_^**


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